Argyle Sweaters and Loud Paisley Ties

He may be wearing an argyle sweater
He may be wearing a loud paisley tie
He may be wearing a t-shirt from a band you've never heard of
But underneath it all...he's naked.

He may offend you with his choice of words
He may offend you with his tone of voice
He may offend you because he challenges you
He may offend you...but listen.

He may inspire you with his passion
He may move you with his honesty
He may motivate you with his provocations
Let him.

He may leave you feeling uplifted
He may leave you feeling downhearted
He may leave you feeling disgusted
But he will leave you feeling.

And you may believe him to be strange
You may believe him to be an oddball
You may believe him to be a misfit
But you may not be as "normal" as you believe.

And I may be wearing an argyle sweater
I may be wearing a loud paisley tie
I may be wearing a t-shirt from a band you've never heard of
Still, I'm baring it all before you.

And I may offend you with my choice of words
I may offend you with my tone of voice
I may offend you because I challenge you
But give me a chance and you just might like me.

Ten Centiliters

Ten centiliters of water
To quench a mild thirst
But still, you're hungering for something more
As better turns to worse

Ten centiliters of tears
To soak a handful of tissues
But still, your eyes search for something more
Than everybody's issues

Ten centiliters of whisky
I offer you a glass
But still, you insist on feeling the pain
So you politely pass

Ten centiliters of rain
Collecting in your shoes
But still, you amble through the storm
With nothing more to lose

Ten centiliters of blood
Lost from the deepest cut
But still, you bind your broken heart
And kick love in the butt

Ten centiliters of hot tea
Growing colder by the minute
But still, your blood is boiling
As you discover your limit

Ten centiliters of cold sweat
Asleep and yet awake
But still, you rise come daylight
For the day is yours to break.

The Beauty Of The Moment

The beauty of the moment, so real, so sincere
The minute the moment passes, you may not be so dear

But the love we're sharing presently will not be lost to time
It will live on forever as a memory sublime

And moment after moment, a lifetime is built
By living every beautiful moment to the hilt

And letting destiny show us the way
On an ordinary day like today.

The beauty of the moment, so pure and so true
The ultimate beauty you and I ever knew

It takes just a moment for the moment to fade
But a lifetime to wipe away the memory we made

So moment by moment, I'll write out this tale
A story to be always revered without fail

Recognizing the value of what feels right
On an ordinary night like tonight.

The beauty of the moment, never odd, never strange
But bringing about a sudden and profound change

A day like any other, a night as routine
Still, a day and night as gorgeous as we've ever seen

Thus, moment to moment, an existence sustains
Itself though all the hardship, turmoil, and pain

Discerning a path to joy from strife
In an ordinarily extraordinary life.

Visible/Invisible

A life lived in agony
The pain that never ends
The wounds that never heal
But you wouldn't know

A life lived in agony
Accustomed to discomfort
Putting on a brave face
But I'm really not that brave

Every moment spent in torture
Yet I smile when I can
And when I can't, forgive me
For not having a great smile

A life spent squirming and writhing and moaning
Struggling to move
Struggling to speak
Every morning, exhausted
Every evening, exhausted
All the time, exhausted
Your sympathy, exhausted

And they tore me apart and put me back together
And I came out stronger
Yet somehow, more broken

And they gave me a pill which makes me feel better
While it makes me feel worse
It improves me
It hurts me

And they gave me false prognoses which made me feel better
And made me feel worse
For they should have known better

And you call me inspiring
You call me a hero
But I'm just trying to live
Before I have to die

And I hope I live as long as they say I will
Except when I hope I die
Because this is hardly living

And you call me positive
You call me happy
But I'm just trying to get by
I'm just trying to get through

You think I'm upbeat
You think I'm a beacon
But I'm just searching for the light
In a life full of darkness.

Walk This Bridge

This bridge is a decrepit relic
This bridge is a sign of glory gone
Carrying nothing but nostalgia
This eyesore has been here too long

My friend, we are much like this bridge
Out of commission, out of use
Still, somehow we're surviving
As our tight-knit bond grows loose

But no one can ever escape the facts
As harsh as they are, it is true
That no matter what, I'll never walk this bridge with you.

This bridge is a work in progress
Rebuilding the past for what's ahead
For that which is merely lying dormant
Is too often given up for dead

My friend, we are much like this bridge
Broken, but slowly in repair
Time is the judge, and we are the jury
Of all that is just, wise and fair

While no one can ever escape the facts
Uncertain as they are, nothing's through
So maybe someday, I will walk this bridge with you.

This bridge is repurposed, reopened
A symbol of nothing gone to waste
Carrying travelers in life's journey
With class, with decorum, with grace

My friend, we are much like this bridge
Enduring through ups, downs, redemption
Carrying us both through our journey
Is an irrepressible affection

And no one can ever escape the facts
Considering the facts, what can I do?
I cannot wait to walk this bridge with you.

Hey, Lorelei!

I noticed that you didn't post on Facebook yesterday.
And that you haven't "liked" any of my posts in three days.
Are you okay?
I even checked your timeline a bunch of times to see if there was anything I missed.
Nothing.
So yeah, if something's wrong, let me know.
I mean, you have my number.
You still have my number, right?
GOOD!
I mean, good.
Call me.
If you want to.
Please.
PLEASE.

By the way, how did you like that bottle of wine I sent you?
I would have given it to you in person, but every time I went to your house, you weren't there.
Well, maybe you were there, but you were in the bathroom or something.
Or maybe you were watching TV and couldn't hear me pounding on the door.
Anyway, did you get it?
That bottle of wine I sent you.
Oh, really?
Because I remember you saying at Pierre's on November 26th last year -- it was between dinner and dessert -- that you hate red wine.
Oh, you'd only ever had Merlot?
Well, you should have told me!
I'd have gladly bought you a glass of Pinot Noir, or Malbec, or Cabernet Sauvi -- no, no, that's fine!
I wouldn't have minded one bit!
Anything for you, Lorelei, you know that!
You do know that, don't you?
Good. But you sound like you don't think I mean it.
You know I mean it?
Are you sure?
GREAT!

So listen, I've been meaning to tell you how wonderful it was last week when I ran into you at Target and we shopped for paper towels together.
I never had so much fun at Target...even shopping for condoms!
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh crap, why did I say that?
That was such an inappropriate thing to say.
You must think I'm such a dweeb.
See?
You're not even responding!
You DO think I'm a dweeb!
You don't?
REALLY?
Oh, Lorelei, I love you!
That's okay...
You don't have to say it back.

I Want

I want to stay home tonight and get drunk
But it won't make me love you any less.
I want to go out tonight and get drunk
But it won't make you love me any more.

I want to stay home tonight and wallow in self-pity
But it won't make the longing disappear.
I want to go out tonight and hit on all the hotties
But they won't replace the one most on my mind.

I want to sit and pour my feelings onto paper
But it won't make my feelings any wiser.
I want to take a walk and be alone with my thoughts
But it won't make my thoughts any less absurd.

I want to spend my money recklessly, as if I'm not in debt
But then my intelligence deficit will match my money deficit.

I want to hurt myself, destroy myself, and emerge barely alive
But that would be as stupid as my love for you.
I want to hurt you, destroy you, diminish you, disgrace you
But I don't, I really don't, I truly don't, I know I don't.

I want to resent your happiness because you're happy without me
But I'm happy for you. Why must I be happy for you?

I want to get over you, for it's the rational thing to do
But emotions are not typically rational.
I want to move on from you, for it's the smart thing to do
But I am not typically smart.

After And After Hours

My life is in this bag
And these pockets
I will not go home tonight
For tonight I have no home

The road before me is scary yet inviting
The day ahead of me full of challenges
But I'm ready

There's no rest for the weary
Or the crazy

The former, I definitely am
The latter, I've probably always been

And some might think me crazy tonight
My life carried on my shoulders
And in these jeans
My wandering spirit refusing to let me be a prisoner
Of four walls holding a human-made hell

Some might think me crazy as I run
Not merely from agony
But to freedom

Some might think me crazy not to settle for the unacceptable
"The inevitable," they might say...

In that case, sanity is overrated

For here is my life
In these pockets
In this bag
Flowing from this pen to this paper

And here I am

And here I go.

More Or Less Of The Same

I will be your sympathy when I just cannot empathize
I will be your empathy when I can more than sympathize
I will be the shoulder you can wet when rain falls from your eyes
But one thing I won't be is surprised

I will listen as you tell me how he wasted your affection
I will listen even when I know you don't need my attention
I will bite my tongue, suppressing thoughts you don't want me to mention
Like "Be pickier about your next connection"

I will take a step back, knowing how this new chapter will end
I will watch you from a distance as you hurt yourself again
But I won't be out of touch, lest you think me a bad friend
Still, I may just be one now and then

I will forget all about you until somehow you remind me
That it only burdened both of us for me to treat you kindly
It's not that I don't love you, but I can't let my love blind me
Why can't I just leave you behind me?

And now that once again, you've been abused and used and burned
By yet another opportunist to whom you have turned
I know you still won't recognize the lesson you must learn
And I've run out of time to be concerned.

The Woman Of My Dreams

The woman of my dreams rules my dreams
An image created by an industry
The woman of my dreams could have come from a movie
Whether PG-13 or X.

You, my dear, are beautiful inside
But not as beautiful outside as the woman of my dreams
And moreover:

The woman of my dreams is the one I've waited for
And never, ever found in real life.

The woman of my dreams is my ideal
Or at least a bad idea
But in every great love story
Or every great sex story
There's a woman who lives to please her man
And you, my dear, are too busy being yourself.

The woman of my dreams is a character in a scene
In a work of so-called art meant to arouse
The woman of my dreams is a vision in a fantasy
Brought to life for the sake of my pleasure.

I wish that I could love you for what you do and say
But too often, you differ and disagree
You're not unfailingly what I desire you to be
Unlike the woman of my dreams.

The woman of my dreams speaks to me
Though you are talking
I see you dancing next to me
But it's her body swaying
I see you smiling at me
But it's her face I'm seeking
I embrace you and I feel -- you...
Just you.

The woman of my dreams satisfies me come bedtime
The woman of my dreams lets me down otherwise
And you, my dear, are HERE, but you might as well be nowhere
YOU ARE NOT THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS!

The woman of my dreams rules my dreams
An image created by an industry
The woman of my dreams could have come from a movie
You, my dear, could only come from real life.

And now, the woman of my dreams leaves me sitting alone and lonely
My eyes filling with tears, my body filling with rage
And nothing I can reach for could possibly uplift me
But someone I can reach for could.

The woman of my dreams lives only in my dreams
And drains the life out of me with each successive dream
And to see your face and hear your voice, my dear, is what will save me
You are not the woman of my dreams.

Love Poem

Who the FUCK do you think you are?
You have NO RIGHT to own my mind, my heart, my soul -- oh, who am I kidding?

They're yours -- they're all yours!
I'm all yours!

Bitch.

You make me sick.
With your cute little face and your stupid curves and your obnoxious laugh -- and your voice! That voice! UGH!

I miss the sound of your voice.

FUCK YOU!

I fucking love you.

I want you near me...all the time.

I want you with me wherever I go.
For you're already on my mind...and in my heart and my soul.

And you already take a piece of me wherever you go.

What is this, a fucking Top 40 love song?!?!

Ain't nobody got time for that shit!

I wish I'd never met you!

Well, no...I don't wish I'd never met you...I just wish I'd never fallen for you.

Well, no...I don't wish I'd never fallen for you...I just wish you didn't suck.

You DON'T suck.
You're awesome.
You're the most awesome, most beautiful, most amazing woman ever!

P.S. I hate you.

Cognitive Dissonance

They taught me to be ashamed
Then they told me to be proud.

They taught me to follow
Then they told me to lead.

They taught me to be silent
Then they told me to speak up.

They taught me what to think
Then they told me to think for myself.

They taught me to hate
Then they told me to love.

They taught me to hate love
Then they told me to make love.

They taught me to hate myself
Then they told me to love myself.

They taught me to hate my body
Then they told me to flaunt it.

They taught me to hate my mind
Then they told me to use it.

They taught me bald-faced lies
Then they told me to be honest.

And though they told me to do as they said...
They taught me to do anything but.

Gray Nation

I'm just another statistic
Another "plus one" on no one's guest list

I'm just another number
And the numbers have long been too large

I'm just another face of the wrong color
Another perceived threat
But perception is not always reality
And speaking of reality:

I'm just another martyr
For their grand crusade for justice
But justice will always be elusive
In an unjust world

I'm just another poster boy for their fashionable cause
Just another name to emblazon their protest signs
Just another hashtag trending in their feeds
But they never even knew me

I'm just another headline
Front page
Cover story
Top story
Big story
What's my story?
Depends on who's telling.

And everybody else is an expert.
Everybody else claims to know the truth.
But the truth is the agendas of the activists on one side
The truth is the agendas of the pundits on the other
The truth is the agendas of the ones we armed and charged with serving and protecting
The truth is the agendas of the ones who represent them
The truth is the agendas of the politicians
The truth is the agendas of the infotainment media
The truth is the agendas of the armchair commentators

What is my agenda?

I'm just another name on a gravestone
Loved by some in life
Instant celebrity in death

And they say my life matters.

Anodyne

Soothe my pain
As I suffer in silence
The muzzle wrapped tightly to conceal my fangs

Soothe me, though you know not that you're soothing
Heal me, knowing not that you heal

Help me as I strive to keep my head held high
Strive to keep my brave face on
Though underneath, it's just an act
I've become a damn good actor
So good I almost fool myself

Almost...

Renew my sense of courage, my bold determination
No, I never would have given up that easily
But giving up makes sense when trying does no longer
Make me feel like trying still makes sense

Refuel my passion and my love
For they are all that keep me going
But they're not enough to stop the vampires from sucking

And do they ever suck

So replenish me
And though you know not what you do, do it for me now
Please and thank you

Soothe my pain
As I suffer in silence
For the smile painted on my lips is just a clown's routine
And the whole world is watching and enjoying the show
But I'm damn tired of clowning around.

VIDEO: "Drinker's Remorse" 3/14/15

Here is my performance of "Drinker's Remorse" at my March 14, 2015 show. It was my first time performing this poem. Video shot and edited by Claire Ragusin.



Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Text of the above poem is available here.

VIDEO: "Silent Man" 3/14/15

Here is my performance of "Silent Man" at my March 14, 2015 show. It was my first time performing this poem. Video shot and edited by Claire Ragusin.



Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Text of the above poem is available here.

VIDEO: "Chelsea" 3/14/15

Here is my performance of "Chelsea" at my March 14, 2015 show. Video shot and edited by Claire Ragusin.



Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Text of the above poem is available here.

VIDEO: "Twenty-One" 3/14/15

Here is my performance of "Twenty-One" at my March 14, 2015 show. It was my first time performing this poem. Video shot and edited by Claire Ragusin.



Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Text of the above poem is available here.

VIDEO: "A Man Is Not A Man" 3/14/15

Here is my performance of "A Man Is Not A Man" at my March 14, 2015 show. Video shot and edited by Claire Ragusin.



Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Text of the above poem is available here.

Drinker's Remorse

A fine and bonny lass
Sees me drunk off of my ass
Tonight is the first time we have spoken

And the way that things are going
No connection will be growing
Come the moment we have separately awoken

'Tis a horrible thing to botch
When your body's full of Scotch
And the whisky doesn't seem to fill the void

I might have had a chance with her
Now I can't even dance with her
It's hard to tell which one is more annoyed.

A lovely little doll
Sees me stumbling down the hall
As I scamper after her to say, "Hello"

But when I ask the question
She gets verbal indigestion
And without hesitation cries, "Hell, no!"

Should have known I wouldn't win
With my judgment soaked in gin
And not a drop of tonic or club soda

Still, I sang my desperate song
Hoping she would sing along
But her sweet voice stunned me with a bitter coda.

A tall and saucy vixen
Caught my eye and now I'm fixin'
To be the only man she sees tonight

Her body, in its graces
Has it all in the right places
Too bad for me, my game is not as tight

Would she still think me a bum
If I didn't reek of rum?
I swear, I didn't know he was her husband!

'Tis because I'm such a drinker
That I overlooked her finger
With a ring that should have had my senses buzzin'.

A darling of a broad
Is my personal gift from God
I've fallen for her like no other dame

She's the one I've been in search of
But it's love I'm in the lurch of
If she tells me that she doesn't feel the same

I'm from the city, she's suburban
But my brain's running on bourbon
And the whisky makes the difference seem unreal

I like summer, she likes fall
I like golf, she likes baseball
Never mind, I know exactly how I feel!

For my life is sweet as candy
When I come home to my brandy
And the spirit in the bottle makes it clear

That my days are drying up
Like the lager in my cup
Guess it's time to buy another case of beer.

Sarah

"Hey, Bill! What are you up to?"
"Everything, man! I just got a promotion!"
"Congratulations, Bill!"
"Thanks, Shaheen! So what's up with you?"
"I'm seeking a venue for a new series of shows."
"Sweet! Good luck, man! And what about you, Sarah?"
"I'm still trying to become a movie star. In fact, I just spent six hours picking out the makeup I'll wear in my headshots!"
"Oh...that's nice..."

"Hey, Christina! What are you up to?"
"Just trying to get my business off the ground."
"Well, best of luck with that."
"Thanks, Shaheen. So what's up with you?"
"I've got a venue for my shows! I'm booking the first one now!"
"That's great! I hope it goes well. And what about you, Sarah?"
"I'm still trying to become a movie star. In fact, I've spent all week narrowing down fonts for my resume!"
"Oh...that's nice..."

"Hey, Maggie! What are you up to?"
"Going on job interview after job interview!"
"Well, good for you! I wouldn't keep working for that creep, either."
"Thanks, Shaheen. So what's up with you?"
"Well, the first show was a success -- I'll definitely do more at that venue."
"Awesome! I'm so happy for you! And what about you, Sarah?"
"I'm still trying to become a movie star. In fact, I just spent the past month deciding whether to add a middle initial to my screen name."
"Oh...that's nice..."

"Hey, Freddy! What are you up to?"
"Well, I literally just got back from my tour. It wasn't bad for my first time on the road."
"Freddy, I bet it'll be even better next time."
"Thanks, Shaheen. So what's up with you?"
"Oh, I'm just booking you for my next show, if you'll let me."
"Haha, Shaheen. How could I possibly say no to you? And what about you, Sarah?"
"I'm still trying to become a movie star. In fact, I just spent the past -- Shaheen, where are you going?!?!"

Twenty-One

You're 21, and still just as pretty.
No longer in a cute way, but finally in a sexy way.
You were pretty attractive for a kid, but you were still just a kid.
You're 21.
Why did I have to know you when you were 17?

17: such a precious age.
Too precious for a man of conscience.
Too precious for a man on the right side of legal.
Too young for a man so old.
You were pretty ambitious for a kid, but you were still just a kid
And you taught me once and for all that I was too grown up to hang out with a kid.

You're 21
And I wish you had been then
So I could have taken you to the places I went to.
The places where they carded and knew how to spot a fake
And would have thrown our asses out if I had tried to sneak you in.
You would have liked the club that occupied my Friday nights.
But now that you're 21, it's gone -- and so are you.
Why did I have to know you when you were 17?

You were still in high school
And you were pretty mature for a kid, but you were still just a kid.
Therein lay the trouble:
You were too mature for your peers, but too much of a kid for me.
You were smart and kind and generous...and young.
Young enough to do the dumb things a kid does.
Maybe that was my excuse
For I could relate on all counts.
I knew you because I was you...many years too early.

You're 21 -- and I no longer know you.
I knew you when you were 17.
When mother cautioned me against being near you and talking about you.
She warned me that people would get the wrong idea -- even if nothing happened between us.

Nothing happened between us.

Nothing could have happened between us.

Why did I have to know you when you were 17?

You're 21, for what that's worth.
And all things considered, it's worth nothing.
You're all grown up now -- so what?
I'm the one who let you go when you were still just a kid.
Who would I be to come back now?
And why would you let me?
I'm old news...or just old.

Why did you have to know me when I wasn't 17?

The Star

I love your sound!
Your voice, what a voice!
And your look -- oh, such a look!
You, my friend, are a star!
I love you!

Just one thing...those songs.
Yes, the ones you wrote.
I know, your heart and soul and all that.
BUT...
I've got something more...commercial for you.
You know, radio-friendly.
No, no -- don't worry about your image.
We'll tell people YOU wrote it..."singer/songwriter" and all.

Hey, another thing...the hair.
And, uh...those clothes.
No, your face will still be the same.
Just a few...minor adjustments.

Alright, now let's run through this number -- don't forget those moves I taught you!

No, use the moves.

I'm telling you, just standing there is NOT SEXY.
You wanna be sexy, don't you?

Okay, good...you're using the moves I taught you...you're singing the song I gave you...

Hold it!

The way you're singing that -- yes, I know it's "your style," but...
Well, let me sing it for you.

No, you obviously don't know how to sing, so LET ME TEACH YOU!

No, no, I mean it:
I love you!
I LOVE YOU!

I just wanna make you better.

I'm here to help.

Now, you heard how I sang that song?

Good, now sing it exactly the way I sang it.

No, don't change a single thing.

GOOD!

I think you're ready.

And again, my friend...

You...

are...

A STAR!

Silent Man

You are accused
You don't claim innocence
You don't claim guilt
You claim...nothing.

Your hired mouthpieces dismiss
Your PR specialists deflect
And you remain the silent man.

How dare I ask you for a statement?
How dare I ask your perspective?
You badger and belittle me for seeking the truth
Or at least for seeking balance.

The court of public opinion has ruled against you
In case you haven't noticed.

You haven't noticed.

For the idol
The icon you used to be:

Mr. Wonderful
Mr. Superior
Was a mere illusion.

Now, we all know
And we're disappointed
But not surprised.

And as the accusations intensify
And the number of accusers grows
You still remain the silent man.

And as your silence speaks louder than words
The public turns increasingly against you

As you try vainly to protect an image long gone.

And as your glory slips away from you
Your legacy obliterated

You remain, even now, the silent man.

Don't speak, silent man --
We know everything we need to.