Drinker's Remorse

A fine and bonny lass
Sees me drunk off of my ass
Tonight is the first time we have spoken

And the way that things are going
No connection will be growing
Come the moment we have separately awoken

'Tis a horrible thing to botch
When your body's full of Scotch
And the whisky doesn't seem to fill the void

I might have had a chance with her
Now I can't even dance with her
It's hard to tell which one is more annoyed.

A lovely little doll
Sees me stumbling down the hall
As I scamper after her to say, "Hello"

But when I ask the question
She gets verbal indigestion
And without hesitation cries, "Hell, no!"

Should have known I wouldn't win
With my judgment soaked in gin
And not a drop of tonic or club soda

Still, I sang my desperate song
Hoping she would sing along
But her sweet voice stunned me with a bitter coda.

A tall and saucy vixen
Caught my eye and now I'm fixin'
To be the only man she sees tonight

Her body, in its graces
Has it all in the right places
Too bad for me, my game is not as tight

Would she still think me a bum
If I didn't reek of rum?
I swear, I didn't know he was her husband!

'Tis because I'm such a drinker
That I overlooked her finger
With a ring that should have had my senses buzzin'.

A darling of a broad
Is my personal gift from God
I've fallen for her like no other dame

She's the one I've been in search of
But it's love I'm in the lurch of
If she tells me that she doesn't feel the same

I'm from the city, she's suburban
But my brain's running on bourbon
And the whisky makes the difference seem unreal

I like summer, she likes fall
I like golf, she likes baseball
Never mind, I know exactly how I feel!

For my life is sweet as candy
When I come home to my brandy
And the spirit in the bottle makes it clear

That my days are drying up
Like the lager in my cup
Guess it's time to buy another case of beer.