Gray Nation

I'm just another statistic
Another "plus one" on no one's guest list

I'm just another number
And the numbers have long been too large

I'm just another face of the wrong color
Another perceived threat
But perception is not always reality
And speaking of reality:

I'm just another martyr
For their grand crusade for justice
But justice will always be elusive
In an unjust world

I'm just another poster boy for their fashionable cause
Just another name to emblazon their protest signs
Just another hashtag trending in their feeds
But they never even knew me

I'm just another headline
Front page
Cover story
Top story
Big story
What's my story?
Depends on who's telling.

And everybody else is an expert.
Everybody else claims to know the truth.
But the truth is the agendas of the activists on one side
The truth is the agendas of the pundits on the other
The truth is the agendas of the ones we armed and charged with serving and protecting
The truth is the agendas of the ones who represent them
The truth is the agendas of the politicians
The truth is the agendas of the infotainment media
The truth is the agendas of the armchair commentators

What is my agenda?

I'm just another name on a gravestone
Loved by some in life
Instant celebrity in death

And they say my life matters.

Anodyne

Soothe my pain
As I suffer in silence
The muzzle wrapped tightly to conceal my fangs

Soothe me, though you know not that you're soothing
Heal me, knowing not that you heal

Help me as I strive to keep my head held high
Strive to keep my brave face on
Though underneath, it's just an act
I've become a damn good actor
So good I almost fool myself

Almost...

Renew my sense of courage, my bold determination
No, I never would have given up that easily
But giving up makes sense when trying does no longer
Make me feel like trying still makes sense

Refuel my passion and my love
For they are all that keep me going
But they're not enough to stop the vampires from sucking

And do they ever suck

So replenish me
And though you know not what you do, do it for me now
Please and thank you

Soothe my pain
As I suffer in silence
For the smile painted on my lips is just a clown's routine
And the whole world is watching and enjoying the show
But I'm damn tired of clowning around.