I Want

I want to stay home tonight and get drunk
But it won't make me love you any less.
I want to go out tonight and get drunk
But it won't make you love me any more.

I want to stay home tonight and wallow in self-pity
But it won't make the longing disappear.
I want to go out tonight and hit on all the hotties
But they won't replace the one most on my mind.

I want to sit and pour my feelings onto paper
But it won't make my feelings any wiser.
I want to take a walk and be alone with my thoughts
But it won't make my thoughts any less absurd.

I want to spend my money recklessly, as if I'm not in debt
But then my intelligence deficit will match my money deficit.

I want to hurt myself, destroy myself, and emerge barely alive
But that would be as stupid as my love for you.
I want to hurt you, destroy you, diminish you, disgrace you
But I don't, I really don't, I truly don't, I know I don't.

I want to resent your happiness because you're happy without me
But I'm happy for you. Why must I be happy for you?

I want to get over you, for it's the rational thing to do
But emotions are not typically rational.
I want to move on from you, for it's the smart thing to do
But I am not typically smart.