Spaces

Nightclubs and theaters
Sidewalks and arenas
Parks and plazas
Malls and galleries
Bars and restaurants
Homes and backyards
Shops and ships
These are all spaces
These are our spaces
And if we have anything to say
These are safe spaces

Safe for us to sing
To play
To speak
To dance
To dazzle

Safe for crowds to laugh
To cry
To be amazed
Or disappointed
Or indifferent

Safe for us to share our feelings
Safe for us to make crowds feel
Safe for crowds to feel
Safe for crowds to exist
Safe for us to exist

So bring your fights
And we'll show you where to take them
Bring your Mickeys and your roofies
And we'll show you where to slip them
Bring your assaults of all kinds
All kinds are just as welcome

Bring your knives
Your guns
Your bombs
Bring your weapons on wheels
And we will still roll on

For if you kill one
Or one hundred
Or one thousand
You will still be outnumbered

If you kill one of us
Countless more will step into place

If you kill our resolve
-- actually, you never will
We will not let you
We will never let you win

For nightclubs and theaters
Sidewalks and arenas
Parks and plazas
Malls and galleries
Bars and restaurants
Homes and backyards
Shops and ships
These are all spaces
And if we have anything to say
These are safe spaces
Not your spaces.

Heather

Heather, will you sit with me a little longer?
Will you stay and talk with me some more?
For without you, this room is just a little too empty
Even with all of these other warm bodies.

Heather, I will sit with you a little longer
I will stay and talk with you some more
For I know that if I leave, I will leave you alone
In a room full of unfamiliar faces.

Heather, let us have another glass, but not too many
No sorrows to drink away for now
Heather, let us dance while the players entertain us
And be assured that we're not playing along

For you may not be my number one
And I may not be your number one
But we are each other's top picks tonight.
And if you're not the one I need
You're the one I need right now --
I guess you could say the same to me.

Heather, will you embrace me a little bit more?
Will you make me feel appreciated?

Heather, I will embrace you a little bit more
I will make you feel appreciated.

For when these few hours are over, and we've said our fond goodnights
The special will give way to the mundane
So let us toast to the special
And forget the mundane
Before we both must fade away into it.

The Neighborhood's Improving

Time for progress, time for change
Says Mr. Developer
And he should know
After all, he's never lived here
But maybe when he's finished, he'll want to.

He hasn't bothered asking what we want or what we need
Those are all such trivial details
We're not the kind of people who will make this area better
I hope we can find someplace to move to.

No grudges, no hard feelings...
The hip and rich
Or the hip and debt-inclined
Need more options
There is only so much unaffordable housing in this city
And we can never have enough.

Besides, I should have known when those artists moved in
And they thought it was cheap real estate!
But they made this place cool
Now everyone wants in
None more than Mr. Developer.

And when you see his vision, he knows you'll flip
For it's just like every other trendy neighborhood
With a coffee shop and a gastropub and a hipster dive
And a store that sells nothing but quinoa and kale
And luxury apartments not made for you or me
Or the starving artists who brought us all this buzz.

The neighborhood's improving
And I'm thrilled to be a witness
So thrilled that I keep on losing sleep
Wondering what's left for folks like us
When Mr. Developer
Has nothing new or useful developing.

Almost

You are almost the one I wish I had
The one I always hope I'll someday meet
And "almost" is enough to knock me on my ass
But not enough to sweep me off my feet.

I am almost the kind that makes you swoon
And makes the smallest pieces of you tingle
But "almost" will never set your mind and body free
No matter how many times we mingle.

You almost fulfill me in ways unknown
Since longer than I care to volunteer
But "almost" leaves me with a memory too sweet
To match the way I feel when you are near.

I am almost your goal, your pinnacle
Your ultimate, your final destiny
But "almost" will never yield the love you desire
Even if you always see the best in me.

We are almost a couple; two lovers
We are definitely a pair; two friends
And "almost" is enough to break our vacant hearts
"Definitely" sets them both on the mend.

We are almost filling each other's voids
Almost satisfying our wants and needs
Filling space until at least one of us finds more
Or better
Or gives up
"Almost," indeed.

New Neighbors

The house next door has gone from noisy to noisier
The rest of them have gone from nosy to nosier
And I'm still sitting on my front step
Slowly choking on my Scotch.

The house next door has gone from crowded to packed
The rest of them remain as full and as empty
And I'm still recalling when I used to beam
With pride to say I lived here.

The smells of cigarettes, tobacco and weed
And the restaurant you couldn't pay me to patronize
And the whole block's garbage in the summer heat
Don't stink as much as my life.

Freshly-mowed lawns soon to be overgrown
Freshly-washed clothes soon to be stained and sweaty
Freshly-cooked meals soon to lead to new hunger
Freshly-inspired me soon to lose motivation.

The house next door has changed from discord to dysfunction
The rest of them have changed from static to stagnant
Just like I'm still withering on my front step
Running out of Scotch to choke on.

Hard Time Caring

I could let you know how I am
But part of me hopes you don't give a damn
For I'm so much happier without you here

I could ask you how you're doing
You might think my concern is moving
Never knowing that this time, it's insincere

When I care, I know you're touched
But when I care about you, I care too much
So tonight, I'm having a hard time caring.


We could meet at our favorite place
Which would normally put a smile on my face
But I'd rather catch up with a long-lost friend

You could take me to a show
Just tell me which one and I would go
But I'd rather be alone than see you again

On some level, I still love you
But when I love you, loving you is all I do
So tonight, I'm having a hard time loving.


I can't take what you won't share
And a burden becomes impossible to bear
When the load never seems to grow lighter

You are brilliant; you're a star
But you're as much of a fool as you think you are
For you never let yourself shine any brighter

We could try as in the past
But with you, progress is one thing that won't last
So tonight, I'm having a hard time trying.


Stop the calendar; stop the clock
Rewind to when we were solid as rock
But I don't believe those days ever existed

Erase the memory; erase the image
Wipe away every thought of your visage
But my lips cannot pretend they never kissed it

I let you in; we're on the outs
And when I think about you, you're all I think about
So tonight, I'm having a hard time thinking.

I needed you; I was reluctant
Now I know why that feeling was repugnant
But tonight, I'm having a hard time caring.

The Monster Within You

What a fine afternoon together
At least it would be fine if you were
But just when the sky couldn't be any clearer
The clouds begin to darken and thicken

And again, I meet the monster within you
Creating controversy where there is none
Fomenting discord where there should be harmony
And thinking nothing of the implications.

What a beautiful evening for me and you
But beauty is not enough for you to do
And happiness is not enough to see us through
With the time bomb to madness slowly ticking

And again, I meet the monster within you
Attacking me and mine without even trying
Insulting me and mine without even meaning to
And thinking nothing of the consequences.

What a profound love there is between us
Profoundly undeserving of fanfare or fuss
A love in which I just cannot believe or trust
As the growth of my weariness quickens

For again, I meet the monster within you
Babbling nonsensically as if it all makes sense
Dumbed down as if you never had a shred of intellect
Thinking nothing for you've forgotten how to think.

Random Acts Of Self-Destruction

I hurt for all the people who have hurt me
I hurt for all the times I've hurt myself
I hurt because I am hurt; how beautiful the pain
So beautiful, I hurt myself again.

I bleed for all the people who have wounded me
I bleed for all the wounds I couldn't have predicted
I bleed for all the times I could have stopped the wounds from forming
I guess this is not one of those times.

I break myself for all the people who have broken me
The breaks I didn't get, and some of the breaks I did
I break myself because my destiny is to be broken
And I cannot give myself a break.

I put myself together for the people who have shattered me
I put myself together for the damage life has done
As I've been knocked right down, got back up, and fought the good fight
I put myself together just to fall back apart.

Savior On The Ballot

This time, there is a savior on the ballot!
Someone to rescue us from inequality
From bigotry
From war
From backwards-thinking.
Can't you feel the winds of change?
Can't you smell the fresh air clearing out the stench of injustice?
You can't?
It isn't?
Oh, well...next time, there'll be a savior on the ballot.

This time, there is a savior on the ballot!
Someone to rescue us from so-called "progress"
From diversity
From immigrants
Or as I call them, terrorists.
Can't you see our country getting safer?
Can't you feel our country growing stronger?
No?
You can't?
Oh, well...next time, there'll be a savior on the ballot.

This time, there is a savior on the ballot!
Someone to guarantee quality education
High-paying jobs
Top-notch health care
Clean air and soil and water.
Don't you already feel smarter, richer, and healthier?
Isn't your town already the Garden Of Eden?
You don't?
It isn't?
Oh, well...next time, there'll be a savior on the ballot.

This time, there is a savior on the ballot!
Someone to rescue us from division
And find the means between extremes
And value practicality over prejudice
And democracy over demagoguery.
Don't you see us uniting already?
Coming together in the name of peace, love, and harmony?
No?
You don't?
Oh, well...next time, there'll be a savior on the ballot.

This time, there is a savior on the ballot...

Last Moves

One by one, I watch pillars fall
Until I have no support at all.
Another after another, I watch bridges burn
No new destination; no way to return.

Piece by piece, puzzles come apart
And I lumber like a workhorse without a cart.
Ray after ray, the sun's blinding light
Illuminates how much we've all lost sight.

Drop by drop, I see tears from the clouds
But somehow, my umbrella feels more like a shroud.
Malady after malady, we turn health into hell
Until not even heaven's residents feel well.

Flicker by flicker, the stars all disappear
And the dark we've created leaves us all in fear.
Alarm after alarm points six feet underground
But we cover our ears when each alarm sounds.

Challenge by challenge, we remain static
So instead of the vanguard, we dwell in the attic.
Denial after denial, I no longer ask why
Too young, too ready, too eager to die.

Automaton

Go through the motions
According to the program
Do what you've been conditioned to do
Like walking or talking or taking a shot of whisky
Make that a double while you're at it

And be the automaton
The brainless machine
Masquerading as nature's creation
While you act and react but never stop to think
Is there anything more to you than this?

Open up your mouth and spew nonsense
As long as what comes out are actual words
Open up your mouth and insert a glass of wine
And another and another and as much as you can stand

And be the automaton
The mindless device
Pretending to be made of flesh and bone
While you do, one thing you never do is stop to consider
What are you if nothing more than this?

Grab another bottle of beer
Drop the bottle, spill the beer
How did you even manage to open it?
Oh, I forgot: you're not human
You're a machine
In a condition only a human could know

Don't be an automaton
A soulless contraption
When we know you have a soul and a heart
For you cannot fool us as you make a fool of yourself
There is too much more to you than this.

Special

You're so unique!
You're so uniquely mundane.
Ripped from the pages of every textbook
Believing you are unconventional.

You're so brilliant!
You're so brilliantly stupid.
Your mind simple and narrow like a bamboo skewer
Believing you deserve not to be skewered.

You care so damn much!
You care so damn much about your ego.
You own opinions, your own ideas, your own experiences
Believing you care for the sake of caring.

You're such a good person!
You're so good at being a bad person.
Standing for all the right things in all the wrong ways
Believing you're so damned compassionate.

You're so fucking special!
Your smile lights up the solar eclipse!
Your voice grants hearing to the deaf!
Your armpits smell like lilacs!
You're so fucking special, I just can't stand you.

December

Maddie, sing for me again
For it's been too damn long since your voice has called to me
And join me in the memories I make

With false friends who couldn't seem truer in the moment
And true friends due to fade out of the spotlight
And friendly faces which are only so friendly
But at least I know where they stand.

Maddie, sing for me tonight
Sing for me for all time

Sing for me and my home
Broken down and reassembled

My relationships
Ripped to pieces and sometimes mended

My career
On life support and thrown a lifeline

My life
Deconstructed and reconstructed.

Maddie, sing for me and all the beautiful faces
All the beautiful bodies
All the beautiful souls
For to me, they're merely beautiful strangers
And in a different time, I might have cared.

Most of all, Maddie, sing for me
Sing for the sense I try to make of it all

The elation
The madness

The brilliance
The stupidity

The adoring
The despising

The living for life
The living to die.

Maddie, sing for me while I'm still living.
Maddie, sing for me before I die.

Maddie, sing for me again
And again and again and again
For nothing else will ever be the same
Once December has come to an end.

[This poem is dedicated to Madalean Gauze, whose album Sing has defined my 34th year more than any other, especially the song Accumulations of Life.]

Perfectly Matched

To him, a woman was always a plaything
And she was all too happy to let him play her

To her, a man was always beneath her
And he was happy as long as she was on top

But she never knew how to respect a man
And he never knew how to respect a woman
So they never knew how to love each other
For what the hell is love without respect?

To him, she was another notch in his belt
And the notch was pleased each time he removed his belt

To her, he was another means to an end
As long as he had the means, she enjoyed the end

But she never truly appreciated a man
And he never truly appreciated a woman
So they never truly loved each other
For without appreciation, what is love?

To him, she is just another memory
Another hazy blur in his feeble, cluttered mind

To her, he is just another mistake
Another grotesque blemish on her vastly subpar record

And she'll never truly love the next man
And he'll never truly love the next woman
For they're too deeply in love with themselves
To know what it means to truly love

So she'll mourn for everything they could have been
And he'll mourn for everything they got to be
And when the mourning ends tonight, the night will bring another morning
And together, they shall lie in the darkness.

Headaches

If only the voices in my head would stop screaming
And the voices that surround me would stop shouting
And the voices that haunt me would stop talking
Maybe I could finally fall asleep.

If only your voice would stop playing
In my ears like a song I can't forget
And stop reminding me of everything we cannot be
Maybe I could finally move on.

If only the voices of my yesterdays
Would stop ringing in my ears tomorrow
If only I could silence them, if only they'd shut up
Maybe I'd look forward to the future.

If the chorus of voices on the internet
And radio, TV, and on the street
Would only stop forcing their opinions upon me
Maybe I would know what to think.

If that little voice inside me would wisen
If that little voice would shrink its own self-doubt
If that little voice didn't have enormous insecurities
Maybe I'd believe in me and you.

If only the voices in my head would stop screaming
And the voices that surround me would stop shouting
And the voices that haunt me would stop talking
Maybe I could find my one true voice.

Me and the Birds

As I stand on the waterfront
Taking in the river breezes
Which cool and calm and cleanse me of my ailments
I watch the geese and the ducks in their natural habitat
In this slice of nature in an unnatural city.

As I stroll lazily across the grass and by the trees
I hear the song of the red-winged blackbirds
And as I watch them take flight
I stare in awe at their plumage
So moody, yet so gorgeous.

As I walk amongst the ducks and the geese
All of us lingering peacefully on this slab of land
Pressing "pause" on all our pressures, our varied hassles, and ugly instincts
Just long enough to enjoy these few minutes.

And as the red-winged blackbirds trill their tune and fly to freedom
So must I fly away from this patch of green in an urban wonderland
So must I return to where I came from
So must the birds and I bid farewell
Until again, I find myself among them.

Emotional Demons

Some people get high on cocaine
Some people get high on heroin
Some people get high on ecstasy
But I get high on arrogance.

Some people abuse OxyContin
Some people abuse Percocet
Some people abuse Vicodin
But I abuse the ones I love.

For some folks, sex reigns supreme
Others can't stop touching themselves
Others keep their eyes glued to pornography
But I can't stop turning people off.

Maybe you drink too much whisky
Or a few too many beers
Or way too much vodka, gin, or tequila
But I enjoy my hate in moderation.

Some people just love their nicotine
They smoke themselves to death
The only thing I love to set on fire
Is my overheated rhetoric.

Some people eat until they're full
Then stuff their bodies even further
But I love to stuff my ego until it explodes
And makes a mess all over you.

For you may be addicted to drugs or booze
Or sex or food or smokes
But I am addicted to driving away
The people I need the most.

Something To Look Forward To

When I was still young in body and at heart
I loved to hit the city with a palette and a brush
In search of someone to paint the town with
I suppose that was something to look forward to

The sensation of a woman's body close to mine
And the thrill of any mutual attraction
The connection, even fleeting, of two hearts, two minds, two souls
I suppose that was something to look forward to.

When I was still a hopefully hopeless -- or hopelessly hopeful -- romantic
I used to keep my eyes and ears and mind open
Just in case the next lady I met could become my next lady
I suppose that was something to look forward to

Getting to know each other -- how mundane
Caring about each other -- how commonplace
Learning to love each other -- how cliche
I suppose that was something to look forward to.

When I still had the will to put my essence on the line
I put as much on the line as I could spare
And one by one, the ladies took it, used it up, and left me nothing
Was that ever something to look forward to?

And one by one, I lost my drive, my love, and my determination
But did I really?
Did they really take my essence?
What was really something to look forward to?

Now that I'm older and wiser -- well, at least older and changed
I've stopped carrying my palette and my brush
And they say you and I are "just friends" and nothing more
And they say that isn't something to look forward to

But when we see each other next, we'll share, we'll learn, we'll grow, we'll plan
To do it all again sometime, and again on repeat
Knowing that it means much more than fleeting fun or short-lived romance
I suppose that's something to look forward to.

The Sickness

It's that tense and queasy feeling
My heart begins to pound
And my face begins to tighten
As my fists begin to clench
But I'm not looking for a face to punch
Or a wall to put a hole in
It's just the sickness that I feel
When I feel anything for you.

It's the loss of any appetite for anything but anger
The loss of any taste for anything not bitter
The ever-growing craving for a stew of lamentations
Starvation for attention from another false friend
It's the sickness that I feel when I think about you
When I think about the ways you spent my time
When I think about the waste of time you proved yourself to be
Again, I feel the sickness.

It's the paranoia when I make a new acquaintance
For a new acquaintance cannot possibly become an ally
The depression when I realize how long I let you fool me
The anxiety when I wonder who else is fooling me
The unwillingness of this fool to face a world of foolers
It's the sickness that I feel when I see or hear your name
It's the sickness that I feel when I remember our good times
For I see now that our good times were never quite so good
Neither is the way you make me feel today.

It's the restlessness, the yearning to see welcoming faces
It's the emptiness inside which I cannot fill alone
It's the weariness of wariness
The loneliness
The readiness
The readiness to feed my needs
The readiness to need again
The readiness for openness with just a hint of cautiousness
It's a whole new kind of sickness
For you've made me sick and make me sick
It's the sickness
For I'm sick
Of being sick.

Seekers

You and I, we're seekers
Every day of our lives a quest
Searching our souls, searching the world
Yet sometimes, there's only so much to discover

And we may never find what we're looking for
And we may never find what to look for
But you and I have found each other
And that's got to be worth something.

You and I, we're doers
But at times, all we do is wonder what to do
"What to do, what to do?" -- the eternal question
A question whose answer keeps running away

And we may never find the answer
And if we do, we may wish we hadn't
But you and I have found each other
And we never wish we hadn't.

You and I, we're thinkers
But sometimes, our thoughts distress us
For it's impossible to ponder the mysteries of life
Without remembering both the light and the shade

And we may not always like what we think
If we can bring ourselves to think at all
But I think about you, and you think about me
So thinking cannot be all bad.

And we may never find the answer
And if we do, we may wish we hadn't
But you and I have found each other
And we never wish we hadn't.

And we may never find what we're looking for
And we may never find what to look for
But you and I have found each other
And that's definitely worth something.